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Blog with real life stories and inspiring content for memory keepers and life documentarians.

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A Voyage Through the Storm of New Motherhood

Kiera Slye

Photo credit: Karen Kelly

Photo credit: Karen Kelly

A Voyage Through the Storm of New Motherhood

I was a new mom with an 8 month old baby. I was sitting alone on a park bench while my daughter slept in her stroller beside me. I caught myself choking back tears as I begged the universe to just let me hit pause and take a second to catch up on all of life that had unfolded in front of my eyes in the last few months.

I was racing for the shores of a new world I didn’t quite understand.  Captain of a dinghy lost at sea during a category 5 Hurricane. The seas were rocky, the storm intense. I felt like I would be swallowed up by the next powerful wave. I had always wanted to become a mother. I knew I was a great mom, but I desperately just needed a chance to breathe, to pause, and to see the beautiful world that I had created. I needed to survive until the eye of the storm.

I learned an incredibly powerful lesson that day in the park. I could never be the mom I dreamed of becoming if I didn’t find ways to breathe through my own growing pains. I needed to work harder to find time for myself. To allow myself to grow into my new magnificent role as mother. To give myself grace. To nourish my mind and replenish the depleted cells in my worn down body.  To be loving and grateful for the time I had with my daughter.

The truth is, I was exhausted. Running on fumes, rarely sleeping more than 4 hours stretches of time. Our dream plans for our family where being overshadowed by the demands of intense work schedules, distance from family support, and lack of dependable childcare.

As a new mama and a small business owner, I had dreamed of finding this magical balance of working part time, while having a part-time nanny to help so that I could work on my business, go to the gym, get groceries, clean the house, and make healthy meals a few days a week. I had no idea how hard it would be to find dependable help for just a few hours a day, a couple days a week.

I also had no clue how unrealistic it was to think that I could do all the things.

Clouded in a fog that I now know was a combo of being the sole source of food for my daughter and an extreme lack of sleep, I found myself in a near inescapable vortex of doubt. Every decision I made had a consequence that I felt would be too hard to justify changing the current pattern.  Sleeping when the baby slept was always the worst option for me because inevitably every time I fell into a deep sleep, the baby would wake -- leaving me feeling worse off than I was before. Instead of sleeping, I purchased and read every parenting book on the planet and spent unintentional hours googling for answers of when things would get better.

Everything I read told me that my baby was growing and to wait to make changes, because this too shall pass. So long as I stayed firm and consistent with our book approved routines, things would be better in no time.

The truth is, things didn’t get better until I took control of me. Not one single book I read mentioned just how important it was for the mother to take care of herself. It wasn’t until I found Mother.ly, an online publication of stories and resources to encourage tired mamas like myself, that I started to see that I wasn’t as alone as I felt in my voyage through the storm of new motherhood. I started becoming more vocal to others about about the toll that the journey had on my mind and body.

It began registering in my brain when I heard my friends and loved ones encourage me to get more support. I found my village. I sought professional help through an incredible therapist who specialized in supporting women and mothers in transition.  I invested time and money into caring for myself and finding care that would help my baby grow more independent as well. The energy I put towards finding time to pause, breathe and process my new world is now finally paying off.  

As a two year motherhood veteran, I am in awe of my strength and proud of myself for pushing through the storm. I now know that every day I will continue to grow. New challenges will arise and storms will pass through. I have learned to trust my intuition and try very hard to not stress out when new patterns emerge that make me feel uncomfortable.

For it is through times of uncertainty and discomfort that the most growth occurs.

I am also so very thankful that I took the time to document nearly every day of my voyage through photographs and journal entries using an app called Tinybeans. The original plan was to use Tinybeans as a means of sharing updates about our daughter with family from afar. What it has turned into for me is a periscope into a whole world that I can barely remember. The images and stories now are weaved together to create a picture of purpose and growth. I encourage other mamas to try do something tangible to process all of your growth, whether it be journaling, taking photographs, or simply sending an email to yourself or child. Just pause long enough to document. You’ll be amazed at how far you come when you have a chance to reflect.

To all the new and veteran mama’s reading this today. You’ve got this. You always have. When in doubt, go take a walk and breathe in the fresh air. You will weather this storm. If you’re not a mama, you probably know someone who is. I’d love it if you shared this message with them. We all need a village.

xoxo-
Kiera



Documenting Holiday Memories

Kiera Slye

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...there are little nuggets of magic and joy all around you. Sometimes, you might not feel them right away, but time has a magical way of helping your mind see through some of the pain and find the light in hindsight.
— Kiera Liu 2018

Is there one Christmas that sticks out in your mind where all the magic just came together and it is one that you will always remember? Do you have certain family traditions that you do every year for the Holidays that you never want to forget? Or, are you in a period of growth and change and the Holidays just suck and you wish they weren’t happening right now? If so -- I hear you and I get you. I’ve got some insight I want to share.

One photo can spark a handfuls of memories. This photo is one of those for me. This is an image from the first Christmas I can truly remember. Christmas 1989. It was the year I received the gift I had wanted most from Santa and is one that I still have to this very day! My light up sparkly princess doll! This wasn’t just a battery operated doll with plastic glowing lights, it was a symbol of light and a beacon of hope for the future.

Christmas 1989 Rochester, New York

Christmas 1989 Rochester, New York

At 5 years old, I was in the middle of a transitioning through the turmoil of having my nuclear family break up. My mom and my biological father divorced the year prior. It wasn’t an easy or fun time for our family, but we were doing the best we could to find ways to be silly and find joy in our new life.

I remember that my mom was trying desperately hard to make Christmas magic for us again. As a 5 year old, I asked all the questions one would expect:

We had just moved so “How would Santa find our new house?”

We didn’t have a fireplace so “How would Santa get into our new house?”

“Was Santa really watching all the time-- because that’s kinda creepy?”

“Will he even hear my wishes for the magical light up princess doll?”

All of these questions were answered when I woke up Christmas morning hugging my magical Sparkly Princess Doll. Santa had found our new apartment and had come down the paper chimney that my mom had hand drawn on the wall with wrapping paper. It was a Christmas Miracle and I am so glad my mom documented this moment for me to be able to share with you almost 30 years later!

With my Nonnie proudly showing off my Sparkly Princess Doll - Christmas 1989.

With my Nonnie proudly showing off my Sparkly Princess Doll - Christmas 1989.

One key thing I have learned through photographing through all of the good and hard times in my life is that there are little nuggets of magic and joy all around you. Sometimes, you might not feel them right away, but time has a magical way of helping your mind see through some of the pain and find the light in hindsight.

I am sharing this story with you in hopes that whatever you are going through this holiday season, you can take a second to sit down and document it.

Use your cell phone or Camera and photograph what your home looks like right now on the surface level.

Did you decorate your home this year?

Are you traveling to see family or friends?

Are there special traditions you do every year that you don’t want to forget?

Is there a story about your year this year that you want to be able to share with your future generations?

Consider taking short video clips of the sounds on Christmas morning or the sound of clinking forks on plates at Christmas Eve Dinner. Those sounds will fill your mind with memories years later.

Take one simple step and document your life NOW.

If you’re up for it- go a step further and hand write yourself a letter about right now or email yourself about what life is like right now. Print out that photograph and that email and put them in an envelope together to save for the future. Over this next year, I’ll share more ways you can work on your Time Capsule and ways for you to access your memories for years to come!

Merry Christmas and Happiest of Holidays to you all!


xoxo-
Kiera


P.S. I know you’re dying to see what Princess Sparkly Pants looks like today!

She was stored for 30 years and literally fell apart the second my toddler tried to touch her! Poor Sparkly Princess! Luckily, my father in law was here to help put her back together! I just don’t think she’ll be sparkling any time soon!

The Story Behind the Frame of Life Project

Kiera Slye

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I found this contact sheet a few years ago when going through my Portfolio from my photo school days at RIT. The images on it are from a Self Portrait Assignment where I had to photograph a "Day in the Life of Kiera"(circa 2004.)

Honestly, the images are pretty silly and not exactly what I did everyday, but they are so powerful in bringing up so many memories of my childhood. I don't have the negatives from this shoot anymore and never printed any of the images. 

There is only this one contact sheet with a few dozen snippets of what my old life used to look like. These simple images bring up so many more in my mind: 

// The smell of arm and hammer pet odor reducing powder -- our vacuum would puff smoke from this every time we vacuumed the rugs. 

// The sound of one of our 3 cats' claws pulling on the furniture. 

// The creek of the front door when it swung open. 

// The mailbox, how I never could see in but only could reach over. How it sometimes was about to fall off the wall. 

// The hole under the porch where my cat would hide when he wanted to get attention. He’d pretend to run away for weeks at a time. 

// The wood with misaligned nail holes tacked to the tree in the front of the house between our property and the neighbors forming stairs to climb up into the strong limbs. How high and free it felt to climb up that tree. The view of my bedroom window from the tree. 

// The texture on my bedroom wall from the suede paint my mom hand painted. 

The way the closet door would never would shut because I had shoved too many clothes in it. 

// The feeling of safety and home that I got every time I stepped inside. Even though I was terrified of the basement and ‘ghosts” that seemed to haunt the place. I can remember sleeping on the floor by the threshold of the door while my brother did the same so that we could see each other and not be scared.

All of these images flare back just by looking at this contact sheet. Simple images that tell a much bigger and fuller story. But who is going to know any of this unless I type it out and share it. It doesn’t have to be online socially, but can be typed or handwritten down on the back of the image and saved with other images to survive on for years to come. I want to encourage others to do exercises like this and teach them how to create an organized space and  simple plan for doing so. 

Have you ever come across old photos from your family and had no idea who the images were of or what was going on? Imagine being able to leave your legacy behind full of stories and images to help set the scene. Times change quickly and memories fade. You could not be here tomorrow and those memories would just evaporate forever unless you do something about it. Instead of looking back on how to catch up, focus on starting here and now.

This program will help you get set going forward and once you catch up you can go back and work on organizing the rest. We’ll start small and I promise you’ll notice amazing results. 

 

What you can expect moving forward:

// Community

// Newsletter with Inspirational Content

// Tutorials

// Real Stories

// Workshops

// Community

// Product Raves and Reviews